Wednesday, January 27, 2010

♥ Rain ♥

When there's not a cloud in the sky and you're in a rainy mood, take a listen... :)

2-2 Tango

There is a school of thought that a good relationship is an easy relationship. Personally, I think relationships are trying no matter what.

Fighting with a loved one sucks so much. The hurts hurt more leaving us not knowing which end is up. Most of us don't fight fairly. We yell... we may name call... we curse... we talk over one another... we exhibit little self-control as constructive communication goes out the window. Or... we shutdown and retreat within ourselves erecting the formidable brick wall that cannot be breached... burying our most tender of feelings deep and out of harms way. Even if we keep our heads about us, we usually hear what we want to hear which is often not what was intended... We often hear only criticism and blame.

It's human nature to not let blame ride upon our shoulders. We go to great lengths to shrug off blame, to excuse it away and to deny it. To ease our own burden, we will go so far as to blame each other and to blame circumstance for our shortcomings and wrong doings. It takes maturity and a higher-order of thinking to see with clarity where we go wrong; to admit failings and apologize for them. It takes great strength of character to rectify wrongs and prevent them from reoccurring. Saying we're sorry and meaning it, matters. A neglected, heartfelt apology for a wound inflicted is sure to leave a scar.

Some of us will do anything to avoid the reality of our own misconduct. Sometimes we do so out of pure stubbornness. When faced with the possibility of being wrong, it's difficult to give-in and put our own needs aside for the sake of another. It's human to fight against the threat of being taken for a doormat. We will battle to defend ourselves because not to means risking real vulnerability and appearing like a weakling. It takes a lot to acknowledge and live with the things we do wrong, and the hurts we inflict. It can be almost impossible to regain peace within ourselves after realizing our greatest faults and flaws... and so, we rebel to avoid coming to terms with ourselves.

It's a wonder any of us ever get along and retain relationships for as long as we do. It takes more than compromise. Successful relationships require selflessness, patience, tolerance and an abundance of unconditional love. I think a sure sign of true love is being able to faithfully put our partner first; to nurture them and protect them, and to possess unlimited understanding and care... to demonstrate through our actions and words that we are their biggest fans, even if at times it comes at a cost to ourselves. Sounds like I'm depicting a Saint...
I wonder how many of us can actually be this gracious and urbane. I wonder how many of us won't give unless given to. I suppose the answer is reflected in the divorce rate.

Truth be told, in order to balance the relationship scale, there must be a good measure of reciprocation in all things.
To survive as a couple there needs to be some sense of equality... some sense of equal footing. The foundation of a good relationship shouldn't be built upon what our partner can do for us. It's selfish to base our feelings upon what we stand to gain from our partner. We cannot succeed in a lasting, loving relationship unless we truly like one another and believe in each other minus the trappings. A love like this is born of "mutual" respect and admiration at all times, regardless of being in agreement or not. There must be a genuine desire to be part of our partner's life based upon a sincere; no strings attached interest in them as a human being.

Most importantly, a relationship cannot survive and flourish without mutual trust ... trust that we can go to our loved one with anything and they will listen and be receptive without judgment because they want to, not because they are expected to... trust that they will not put their agenda first every time when faced with our time of need... trust that their preconceived notions will not deafen them... trust that our feelings will be taken care of... trust that they will be true... trust that they will not abandon us when times are hard... trust that they have our best interests at heart and that their actions will reflect that they genuinely do whether they are by our side or not.

Perhaps what I describe is a fairy tale...

Albert Einstein said, "I
f you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales."

... All I know is "happily ever after" isn't easy to come by.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Nolan's Cheddar

Check out Nolan's Cheddar ...a short animatronic film with a twist, two months in the making, by John Nolan.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A little dose of Pogo...

I hope this makes you smile too... :)


Pogo is an emerging electronic music artist in Perth, Western Australia. He is known for his work recording small sounds from a single film or scene and sequencing them to form a new piece of music.

His most notable track "Alice" is a composition of sounds from the Disney film Alice In Wonderland. Alice has received much success gaining over 4 million views on Youtube as of December 2009. Pogo has since produced tracks from films like Mary Poppins, Harry Potter, The Sword In The Stone, Hook, and Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory.

For more of Pogo's mixes check him out @

Is monogamy realistic?

It troubles me how cheaters have busted out left and right in the headlines over the past year. Celebrities such as Tiger Woods and David Letterman, and our esteemed (ahem) political leaders such as John Edwards, Mark Sanford and Eliot Spitzer have challenged and ultimately broadened my view of fidelity and human nature. Have we become a society of people who more than ever wallow in instant gratification, shallowness, self-indulgence and self-absorption? Or am I naive to think that humanity hasn't always been so lacking in boundaries?

When it comes to relationships, what are the realities of modern life?

In an age of hookups, friends with benefits, online dating, and growing life expectancy is it still reasonable to expect people to pair up and stay monogamous until death do us part? I think it's within the realm of human potential, but it seems to be an easier practice for some than others. I often wonder if serial monogamy may be more pragmatic... a situation in which people move from one committed long-term relationship to another and choose partners for different reasons at different stages of life. For some though, even serial monogamy seems to be too restrictive.

The expectation that one person should be our everything might be unrealistic given our day and age. The 1970s introduced the concept of "open marriage" in which couples stayed married but were free to date other people. More recently, polyamory-- the practice of having romantic relationships with multiple people at the same time with the full knowledge and consent of all involved --has been getting a lot of attention.

I’ve heard polyamory described as 'poly-agony' because of all the work you have to do to maintain things. I know a lot of people who have a real problem with seeing their significant other carry-on an intimate and romantic relationship with another person, but some say they don’t. It’s been explained to me that the ultimate goal in polyamory is for everyone in the polyamorous group to live together, that it isn't about having affairs, that it's really about the ability to be open and loving. I’ve read that researchers studying polyamory estimate there are more than half a million polyamorous families in the United States. On the other hand, people seeking shorter, more secretive dalliances these days have more opportunities than ever, especially when there is involvement via the Internet.

It’s no wonder many people believe monogamy is completely on its way out. I wonder about the depth and frequency of monogamy not being honored in practice... I wonder about the real statistics. I wonder if monogamy will soon vanish even as a social convention or ideal; an ideal that may depend upon ones culture, religion and geography.

I’ve seen it reported that Americans have a harsher view of infidelity than people residing in practically any other country… that Americans are too surprised by infidelity when it happens and that we enter into marriage with unrealistic, high expectations about human nature. Whereas the French by contrast are as hopeful about staying faithful as Americans when they get married, but if one of the spouses has an affair, they are able to accept it as something that can happen over the course of a long marriage.

Generally, Americans think if an affair happens, it's the end of the story, the fairy tale has been completely shattered, the person isn't the person we thought they were. The knee-jerk reaction is to get a divorce or split up. Other cultures may possess less of a sense that the person who cheats is a terrible human being or that cheating is a marker of a person's whole character.

Power, wealth and fame are also well-known aphrodisiacs that attract lots of potentially new sexual partners, an issue with which typical couples may not have to grapple. The famous and powerful may look outside their marriage with a sense of entitlement or with an urge to continue the consistent adrenaline rush that their fame brings them. They may need the attention, passion and excitement in their relationships and may have more of an inclination, opportunity and resources to stray.

Human beings may not be wired to stay faithful to one partner for a lifetime, but we can make a conscious decision to do so; a choice that still comes with powerful emotional, biological and economic benefits. I believe there are definite rewards to a monogamous relationship. A committed, monogamous relationship affords us the important ability to count on our partner, taking comfort that they are by our side and a stable constant in our life as we are in theirs. 

We all need a safe harbor. Being devoted to one person and sharing a special loving relationship with them is what it's all about. I think that we would be better off to avoid living our lives like an episode of The Wild Kingdom and make choices in a different way than other mammals. We can think through the consequences, because the consequences of infidelity and lack of commitment to one person can be huge.

Click here for additional reading:

Monogamy Unnatural for Our Sexy Species by: Christopher Ryan